This was my last painting before our family was plunged into a roller coaster of emotions for the past two weeks. It was meant to be a reflection to count my blessings, and God ensured i really meant it.
Just after i thanked God for the gift of my mum in the last post, so many crises escalated. My mum had been having swollen legs and sometimes complained of breathlessness. The previous doctor diagnosed it as oedema, but also scheduled her for a heart check-up a few months later.
Two Sundays ago, we bought a wheelchair for her and finally managed to coax her to use it as she had much difficulty walking. Two days later, she frantically called to tell us that a blister on her leg had ballooned into the size of an egg. My daughter and I decided to wheel her over from her house several blocks away to our home so that we could take better care of her. Upon reaching our house, the blister was unexpectedly punctured and started leaking.
The very next day, the doctor admitted her to the Accident and Emergency unit immediately, suspecting her of having had some heart attack. Her heart had weakened to the extent that fluid could no longer be expelled from her body, collecting in her legs and entering her lungs.
From then on, it was a series of transfers for her – from Normal to the Acute ward, back to Normal, then High Dependency, to Normal and today back to an Acute ward again. The hospital has literally become our second home. The hardest decision was not to have an angiogram, knowing quite well that she wouldn’t want it and may not even pull through. She has always been afraid of pain and operations, and this is her first stay in a hospital.
What perks her up? Being surrounded by her family; dipping biscuits into hot chocolate to eat rather than having to stomach her bland hospital food; and…a little game of mahjong solitaire on her tablet!
Three days ago, i woke up with blurry vision in my left eye, and the next day, specks started floating around, especially one annoying black, wasp-like spot in my field of vision. Worried, the whole family urged me to see an eye specialist, who diagnosed them as just harmless floaters. But what’s more shocking was that he detected some cataracts in both my eyes. The root cause must have been the strong UV light that i have often being exposed to without being aware of the tremendous harm it was doing to my unprotected eyes. Another cause i’ve found out is also due to emotional stress.
In the past, when i was doing volunteering works with the deaf, dumb, blind, handicapped etc, i have discovered that out of all the senses, eyesight is the most precious and indispensable. How else can one see our loved ones and God’s beautiful creations?
At times like these, i ask “Why Lord? Why my mum, now my eyesight?” But then, i did hear Him say to me a few days ago – “Live each day, each moment for Me” and “Be brave! I will give you courage.”
God can litter pretty scarlet saga seeds on the ground for me to pick them up; creating them so uniform in weight that every four seeds make up one-gram. Such intricacy and attention paid to such tiny seeds; surely, we are worth far more than all of these seeds combined. By R